A DIFFICULT DECEMBER

a new ornament we added to the tree this year - a photo of Bane as a puppy

I'd like to start off saying that this was a difficult post to write. The way I deal with extreme grief or anger is to isolate myself. It may be seem strange to some but it's the way I cope. I need space to burn through the emotion and time to process what I'm feeling.  

This month has been a rough and emotional one at our house. After 12 amazing years with us, we had to let go of Bane. The first week of December we found out he was suffering from possibly multiple cancerous tumors that were bleeding into his stomach. 

It's been a very painful loss for us. Chris was sixteen when he brought home a baby Bane, only eight weeks old! Bane's been with Chris through his entire teenage to adult life. To go 12 years, nearly 7 for me, with Bane everyday to suddenly waking up without him is upsetting. Only his reminders linger now in the house--the absence of him barging in the bathroom to keep you company while you pee, his dog bed at the end of our bed, the odd lick spots he'd leave on the couch or carpet, the remaining senior dog food we won't use, or the scattered bricks in the yard that he'd carry around and chew on. It's been awful and weird to adjust to day to day life without him.

Either fortunately or unfortunately, I've never had to mourn the loss of a family member or friend before. This is my first experience dealing with death. Our hearts are heavy with grief but we're so thankful to have had Bane, his love and companionship all these years.


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