if we're being honest

Despite being pretty open with my personal life, I still get unnerved with sharing things that I consider private. But this one, I should let you know: for the past semester I haven’t been feeling much like myself.

In my life, the things I’ve cared about and strove for came very naturally. I’ve always been head strong and passionate. But now that my life has been changing, I’m having trouble ironing out my priorities and trusting my instincts. I’ve been apathetic and unmotivated at a colossal level. I’d go through spells of anxiety and pouting and hating everything that I putting so much time into. I didn’t feel talented at anything I was doing and eventually wasn’t putting fully into it.

I couldn't make up my mind when it came to larger life concerns. Why am I feeling this way? What are my reasons for doing/not doing this? Where do I want to be? What do I need to change? It's kind of been a big slop that I've just been trying to trudge through. I feel like a lot people my age/my situation are going through the same things/"is this what I want to be knees deep in?". So what am I doing now? Nothing too different than before. I'm trying not to feel rushed to be what other people want me to be and be honest with myself. Oh, and a big one: that there doesn't have to be a side of guilt with everything. I can change my mind, I can go at my own pace, and create new opportunities for myself.

It’ll work out. I’m already feeling better about it, if I’m being honest.

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